I gotta cut my hair. I’m not cutting the length but I miss my bangs like a lot a lot. Like I look at old pictures and I’m like “damnit, you looked good. WTF did you do to yourself.” And the answer is grow my bangs out, over-eat, and over-shop. I miss my stretched ears, I miss my double nose piercing. I miss my rings and my boots and my eyeliner. I tried it out, I went through the normie phase, I bought dresses, I bought heels, toned down the eye make up, took out my plugs, put in a stud. Wore pink, like I’ve never worn pink before. It’s just not for me. So returneth me from whenst I have cometh. As the old Chinese say. (I better not get stupid asks because of that. Jokes k, jokes.)

Never eaten so much in my life. I have had 7 meals today and I`ve been here for like 3 days. UGGG so much food. So happy. Anyways tomorrow I am bringing the camera and taking pictures of food family and things…mostly food. Gotta remember that despite the somewhat chaotic life in Monterrey that it is worth it. Thinking of buying a house down here…..we will see. Sorry for the lack of post speaking of. I mean I am on vacation.

I’m not pregnant. Nor do I want kids right now. But I like naming things. So here is a list of names I like. They’re mostly boy names since female things and I hardly get well together.

-Lucian                   -Owen                    -Nolan                 -Olivia

-Liam                      -Lucas                    -Lila                    -Locke

-Adam                     -Parker                  -Eden                  -Dawn

-Noah                     -Jude                     -Viviene               -Terra

Know what a really effective way of dieting. Stress. Stress makes me not hungry, also stress make me nervous and then panicky and then twitchy. Bam losing calories with a nervous twitch. But for real though, shit’s getting real a lot faster than I thought it was going to be. AHHHH maybe I should be a drug dealer, or a stripper. Those honestly seem like real options now. I did the math and at the current situation we’ll (Misty and I) have about…2 dollars to eat on per day. PER DAY. 2 DOLLARS. That is NOT ok. I tried that the other day, It wasn’t easy. or fun. And a customer dropped a dollar on the floor and I found it while I was sweeping so I technically cheated. ಥдಥ I’m A CHEATER. Fuq this, fuq my life. FUQ ERRBODY. And I’m going to practice my booty-dancing before bed because OBVIOUSLY that’s going to be a skill I need to hone before I move to Marietta.

BewHoo guyz. :( Am I not kewl enuff no mo’? Lols, point is I have a stalker at my job. He’s such a creep. Well on in his 40’s with a beer-gut and eyes full of things I’d rather NEVER know. If I stop posting after my queue is out, call the po-po cause he done got me.

Money, guns, bikinis and shoes.

I want more money to buy the other three. I really want a glock, and if at all possible a pink one. That says badbitch on the side. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Damn, don’t you think that’s a little ostentatious? If the police find that it’ll be very hard to play it off like it’s not yours.” I get you, I mean if you carry a gun you’d like to maintain a low profile. HOWEVER, this isn’t just a matter of logic. This is me…wanting a badass pink gun and that’s all there is to it. Secondly I’m driving myself up the wall trying to find the perfect bikini tops. I have the bottoms. Like 40 of them. Exaggeration but you get the point. So the ones I’ve been looking at are the underwire/push ups. Just cause all girls want their boobs to look nice if they’re going to be flaunting them. I mean the beach is the only place acceptable to walk around in your undies and it not be considered indecent exposure. Which is dumb, cause my bras are cutter than these lame ass bikinis. I don’t know how they would fare against saltwater and sand tho. Probably not well. And shoes, lately I’ve had this horrible obsession with shoes. And whilst I’m trying to save money I already have like 400 bucks worth of wishlist for shoes, and that’s only been for the last hour. **me being budget conscious** So this is somewhat of a formal apology/promise to 1)Misty (http://-streamofconsciousness.tumblr.com/) Sorry I already suck at budgeting our money, I believe you’re going to have to go back to physical abuse to train me. and 2)My bank account. You will soon be very empty and very abused. But I promise that after I cram shop before I have to strap myself to bills I’ll focus on being a good…..budgetter….

I can see my life leading in two very distinct directions. It’s very troubling. Being able to envision yourself happy in two different situations and not know which one is more appealing. A quiet, happy, and caring lifestyle. Or a passionate exciting and dangerous one. I want one or the other, I can never imagine a mixture of both. I know I should want one more than the other but both tugging at both my brain’s logic and my heart’s desires. Here’s the race live from my slightly deluded state of mind.

Brain: You want a happy and peaceful life.

Heart/Body: You want high risk and danger in your life to make it worth living.

Brain: You will never have to worry about being lonely, you will always be cared for.

Heart/Body: Everyday Should be exciting and new. Struggles are part of the fun.

Brain: Home stability, love and happiness.

Heart/Body: Ampted up lifestyle with no security or direction but a burning passion.

PS. Sorry followers, you probably don’t understand this at all and if you do, please share your findings cause I don’t.

Mess of a mess. Still, so my coworker had her baby! Is it weird that every time I try to spell coworker I have to mentally say COW-Worker. Rather insulting, even if I mean nothing by it. XD Anyways her baby girl is so CUTEEE I’ve been surrounded by babies lately. And I love them, I want one. But then she changed her diaper, I quickly reevaluated that decision. Speaking of newborns, I’d give up my first one for these shorts.

Ain’t they all that PLUS SOME. So they cost like 135 bucks, way too pricey, I mean I totally could, but I mean dang, I could buy like 5 shorts for that price. THEY’RE SO NICE THOOOO. I really don’t want to splurge knowing I have things to save up for but man, I’d almost rather not eat for a week in order to have these. I’m thinking if I don’t blow my tax money right off the bat, I’ll buy the shorts. It’s physically imposing that I can’t own them right now. Shopping, its a helluva drug.